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Just Say Thank You

by Tuffy Red

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1.
you make me forget my own power you make me forget my opinion matters slipped my mind to even think that i care if i disagree now it doesn't even register you're disrespecting me wouldn't think to put yourself in my shoes our footprints are such different sizes you put yourself above so high i can't even look you in the eye here I'm a stranger with no ally somewhere there are people who would back me up but everything around me tells me to keep my mouth shut
2.
when i am lost i find the most amazing places this alley is quiet and welcoming morning glories are open and sunflowers shine on me i wish i could slide between the cracks in the concrete this is the most beautiful garden i've seen it looks like whoever lives here is living my dreams i wish they would come out to meet me i want to call out honey honey I'm home don't you recognize me sweet honey i've come thought you don't yet know me but i know you will make me wait and meanwhile i'll suffer but it will be okay i'll try to be patient until we find ourselves face to face honey i'm home don't you recognize me oh you don't even know but you already do love me for now at least i've shown up its all i can do so i know that it's enough
3.
if you really looked at me you would see i'm over being pretty and if you really listened you would know that i'm not here to be your dream girl though i have the capability i'll surrender the opportunity to be an object of idolatry i prefer to save my energy for those capable of reciprocity its a cruel joke these shit situations playing on repeat but i've learned a lot and i'm going to play it differently so drop the pretenses but don't drop your pants i'm not a woman and i don't give a damn if you think you're a man you think you know who i am but you never thought to ask you love my silent attentiveness and your imagination made up the rest you love to see your own reflection in my eyes you use me as an excuse to hear your own voice when i try to be a part of the conversation you bring the topic back to your own profound revelations you're waving red flags left and right you come on too strong and you hold on too tight you admit you're a mess and can't take care of yourself you know i'm caring and strong and you want me to help but i don't have to care about your deep despair there's enough to go around and for now I've had my share i said i don't have to care about your deep despair theres enough to go around and for now i've had my share but you'll spin it like i led you on and then rejected you you'll say that i don't like you but that's just untrue i probably find you more beautiful than you do my kindness and interest were genuine so imagine my frustration with this constant misinterpretation cause i don't know how to stop your jumping to conclusions should i pretend that i don't like you and don't want to be your friend? should i avoid smiling or making eye contact ever again?
4.
where's my special, perfect friend? who's gonna be my perfect friend? where's my special perfect friend? who's gonna be my perfect friend? well i know some people and i have some friends i thought they could ease my troubles but they just created more of them sometimes i want to leave everyone behind without saying a word not thinking about what i'll find, only thinking about what i'll desert but where's my special perfect friend? who's gonna be my perfect friend? where's my special perfect friend? who's gonna be my perfect friend? i'm my special perfect friend i've gotta be my own best friend i'm my special perfect friend i've gotta be my own best friend
5.
Why?! 00:55
when you are nice to me it makes me want to cry now i just feel guilty for wishing you would die oh, you don't know how worked up i've been thinking about what you've done i tried to shut you out but love did overcome why do you have to be multi dimensional? why can't you just be pure evil? why do you have to be multi dimensional? oh i hate to love someone who causes me such harm how can someone be so thoughtless and yet have so much charm?
6.
so you're not as oppressive as the other white guys here's a gold star and a fucking high five thank you father, thank you father you never hit me thank you lover, thank you lover you never forced me no, you're not as domineering as you could be here's a big smile and a kiss on the cheek you make five times as much money but thanks for treating me you take more than your share but you voted liberal good thing you're so enlightened and rational so fair minded and reasonable thanks for letting me have the abortion when you impregnated me thanks for letting me vote though no one's representing me thanks for letting me speak though no one's really listening thanks for the compliments delivered backhandedly you say i'm not as inferior as the rest of my kind here's a dollar and a piece of my mind
7.
my muscles go rigid underneath your touch try to make my voice sound polite and calm as if i don't totally hate this like nothing is going on staring at the ceiling, i focus on suppressing instinct you speak in a tone i find insulting can't be rude so i answer shortly if you must, take my pleasantries my words and tone are constructed specifically for damage control and you don't seem to notice or care how uncomfortable you make me oh you make me so uncomfortable you make me want to sink deep into this hospital bed with a pillow over my head so far down you can't reach me oh doctor you're making me sick i've got a case of the research subject blues my value is my body my body is science's tool and you're a respectable professional yet it seems your hands find an excuse to be where they need not go and meanwhile you condescend explaining what i already know with you it's so vulnerable, yet so clinical so impersonal, yet so intimate in the land of cold hard facts where emotions don't exist i'll call it depoliticized and you can call it objective there is no culture here and power is purely practical your body's motions are only logistical and the resemblance of sexual exploitation surely is purely my imagination
8.
Brutal 02:04
i've been told i'm too cold i've been told i'm too harsh my honesty considered brutality my silent discomfort considered mandatory i guess i'm self righteous maybe I'm just crazy what's considered normal seems deeply wrong to me i can't help but think everyone else is under reacting you've got to fight for your right to be pissed you've got to fight for your right to be an angry bitch you've got to fight for your right to be sad you've got to fight for your right to be ugly, mean, and mad
9.
Freeze 03:07
where you gonna go, who you gonna see when you can't stand anyone or anything and nothing is going to change cause you can't bear to try your whole life is a secret you take pains to hide keep one to trust, get rid of all the rest no one who gets too close will pass the test no where you spend too much time will stay untainted your warrior face will not be left unpainted i can't speak, you freeze me i can't speak, you freeze me i rearrange everything around your impossible needs how is it you still make me feel like an enemy everything that you touch reflects your pain you make everyone around you feel out of place i think of you and i wish i didn't have to i care for you and i wish i didn't love you i can't speak, you freeze me i can't speak, you freeze me
10.
worrying is the only thing you accomplish its the only item on your to do list who are you going to disappoint today? however hard you try you'll make enemies along the way make sure that you always have someone by your side to insist everything you say and do is justified play out your fears til they become your destiny when your dreams are all nightmares you learn about causality that's when you realize that dreams can come true doubt yourself no more now you've seen what you can do no one to trust, not even your best friends anyone can get some scary idea lodged in their head then everything you say gets twisted around or maybe your convictions never were sound maybe you're the perpetrator while you feel like the victim confused survival skills, coping mechanisms application of life lessons gets misplaced now you're slapping your own allies in the face your real adversaries are no where to be seen having their way while their hands stay clean petty disagreements squash every beautiful thing that we ever dare to dream perpetuation of oppression by the oppressed just because its ironic doesn't mean it don't make sense if you've seen it then you know it's nothing more, nothing less than reality, its the tragedy of human existence
11.
My Community 03:28
pointing out what someone else did wrong is my favorite way to write a song i could say a lot of things to fuel my anger and frustration with your behavior but i'm not sure if that is wise right now in this case maybe that is not what we need there is so much pain in my community there is so much fear in my community our defenses can be such a scary thing can we try to remember we are not each other's enemies i won't leave you out in the cold if i can help it i won't leave any of you out if i can prevent it you are not dispensable to me you are not disposable

about

"Thank you" has been recommended to me as a way to respond to uncomfortable compliments for the sake of ending an unwanted conversation. I have learned from older generations that "thank you" can mean a whole range of things from heartfelt gratitude to a dignified "fuck you." A lot of songs I included in this album deal with the divide between what I think/feel and what I openly express. There is also somewhat of a theme of 'gifts' I have trouble accepting, or that bring about their own set of complications.

Just Say Thank You was completed December 2014. All songs were recorded in my bedroom in South Minneapolis on Garage Band with a laptop and a little mic. I recorded everything other than Could Be Worse in just a few days of each other. For some reason it felt important to just record everything at once. Why am I telling you this? Oh, maybe cause I'm proud that I made something so I want to tell you all about it!

Thank you for listening!

credits

released December 18, 2014

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Tuffy Red Minneapolis, Minnesota

Tuffy Red is the solo project of Izzy Buckner, a nonbinary Jew, MPLS transplant, guitarist, singer, and songwriter. Their songs range from sincere to snarky to sad and often delve into their emotional experiences where the personal meets the political. They are a founding member of MPLS based folk punk band Ungrateful Little String Band. ... more

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